The early stages after separation can set the tone for how things will move forward. Of course, these aren’t the only three ways to tell your ex you have a lawyer – but they are markers of three common approaches.

 

  1. Easy does it – “I think we can agree on something ourselves. I just want to check with a Lawyer to make sure it’s fair”. If you are still amicable, this approach can work well. This indicates to your ex that you are still willing to have sensible discussions but that you won’t be ‘ripped-off’ by agreeing to less than you should. By keeping your ex on-side, they are usually more willing to negotiate sensibly, meaning you get an outcome with less time, money and stress.

 

  1. Wait for your lawyer’s letter to arrive in you ex’s inbox – this could surprise your ex, especially if they didn’t know you were getting legal advice. The tone of your lawyer’s first letter is important. It could be very diplomatic and simply outline the main facts, then ask your ex to speak to their lawyer so you can amicably negotiate. Or it could be abrupt and inflammatory, if that’s more your style. Either way, think about if/when  you need to see your ex in the days after that email because there could be some tension.

 

  1. Hardball – “Lawyer up!” This will probably send you ex into defensive mode, where they refuse to speak to you and all discussions happen through the lawyers. Your ex might suddenly demand more than what they first wanted (especially if they have friends and family in their ear giving them ‘advice’). This means there’s more work to get you back to an agreement, discussions take longer and cost everyone more in legal fees. Having said that though, if you do eventually agree, you should have had thorough legal advice each step of the way, so you can make an informed decision that is best for you. And sometimes, if your ex wants to play hardball, you need a Lawyer to go in and bat for you.